You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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