I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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