I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
