...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
