somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
