you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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