they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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