so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
