I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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