I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
