batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
do herpes really smell.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
