If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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