I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
