My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
