just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
