I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
