We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
