It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize