She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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