Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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