youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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