he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
