Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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