Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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