Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
