I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
is wine microwaveable?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
