I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wish i was in the wii world.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
