my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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