do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
