Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
