Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
