its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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