He is an equal opportunity slut.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
