its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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