I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
