he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
