Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
