Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
