She said her name was "party"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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