My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
