Michael Bay diarrhea
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
