i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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