Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
