I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
