Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
