dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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