Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
