what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
