just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize