Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You need Xanax blowdarts
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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