I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
