I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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