youre lurking in front of me
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
