Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize