She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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