We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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