Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
