Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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