The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
