It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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