Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
