do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
