Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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