yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
