So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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