we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
