You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
