This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
