my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
