so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
