I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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