A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I want a musical about memes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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