Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
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