I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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