Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize