You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
