Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
even my farts smell like vagina
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
