Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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