I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
