oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
