You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
