so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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