gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
