have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
