awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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