Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
