why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ladies don't puke and tell
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
