Pappa wants mamma naked
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
