Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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