I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
