I am in a vortex of obligation.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
We smell like vodka and hangover
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