he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
