I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
