..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
