I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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