Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
