Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
