Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
