no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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