ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
