Best friends brother. Beat that.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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