i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
