But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
