Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
